This is a really long post. I've broken it up with a heading for each Query and put Laura's responses in bold color. Grab a drink, settle in, and see what works for this agent, what doesn't, and why.
Just a brief disclaimer before we start… I want to thank you all for taking the time to send me your pitches. It was good fun to read and comment upon them, and I hope you’ll take these meager thoughts in the right spirit. I’m just one reader, and Lord knows there are more agents than ever out there so I hope to encourage all of you to keep at it. I hope you’ll forgive the economy of my responses – there were a lot to go through and I wanted to make sure everyone got my attention and something more or less constructive out of this!
Thanks again, and I wish all of you the very best with your work!
Laura Peterson
Curtis Brown, Ltd.
QUESTIONS:
As an agent, you are understandably selective in the projects you request and offer representation for. How much more selective are you being given the economy?
There’s no doubt the shakeups in the industry are having an effect on what’s being bought by publishers and for how much. It’s a constriction in the market in an industry that operates on slim profit margins to begin with. These days an editor who spends little or no company money is looked upon favorably.
Will you still offer representation if you love a project that crosses your desk now, even if you don't see an immediate placement for it? (I think that last one made sense. lol)
I think what you are asking is will agents still take chances on good writers. The answers for me is...always. Nonetheless the stakes are ever higher now, and the pressure is really on to make sure your material is the very best it can be before you send it out for consideration. The days of sending it to an agent in the hopes they will work with you to get it just right are over. Certainly that may happen, but you ought not to make assumptions that because you are a good and talented writer that means you will get the benefit of the doubt. You will not. Because the very next submission that comes in will be from someone whose work you must assume will be polished and ready to go. I’m not sure if that’s encouraging to you or not, but I have to say the greatest mistake I see that most emerging writers make is they send out their material prematurely.
Several agencies say that a rejection from one agent in the office is essentially a rejection from every agent in the office, while other agencies do not have that same practice. Some agents (agencies) will occasionally recommend a project to another agent in their office or another agency if they see promise in the project but feel it's a better match for someone else. Can you tell us how things work at Curtis Brown Ltd?
It’s true that a rejection from one agent in our office is to be considered a rejection by the whole agency. However, I have on occasion passed along material I thought was well done but out of my field of expertise to others in our office, but that’s a relatively rare experience.
Is a decision to represent an author yours alone or is the decision made as a team?
The decision to represent an author and how to manage their representation is made entirely by me. I do consult, though, with my colleagues when I am confronted by a situation I’m unfamiliar with, as they do with me.
What makes Curtis Brown different?
Our company is one of the oldest and most venerable in the industry, with a vast backlist that includes many of the 20 and 21st century’s most prominent authors. We are known for the quality of our authors’ work, the energy and innovation with which we approach and target a variety of markets for our clients’ work and the integrity and tenaciousness with which we negotiate on their behalf.
What are your preferred query/submission guidelines?
A query letter by regular mail with an SASE or email is fine too.
What is one question you never get asked, or one thing you notice authors tend to not take into account, in this business?
There is a difference between writing and publishing. Writing is an individual, solo event, but publishing is a team sport. I think a lack of this fundamental understanding has a lot of authors getting in their own way.
Will you be attending RWA?
Not this year, but hopefully in 2010, if my schedule permits.
Query 1 -
Dear Ms Peterson:
A transportation strike can be damned inconvenient, but can it help someone find love?
Desperate to leave Italy and her bad marriage behind, Emily Spadon is stranded in the Bologna train station on a frosty February morning due to a strike. Without her gloves, her cellphone, or the emotional energy to produce an alternative travel plan, her last ounce of reserve is slipping away fast and she’s not sure she can overcome any more obstacles set in her path.
When professor Davide Magnani offers his help in rearranging her travel plans, her gut tells her to trust him, in spite of the constant, nagging voice of her husband telling her otherwise. Taking that chance leads her to spend the day with her knight-errant, on an impromptu tour of the city. The more she learns about the kind professor’s life, the more she feels a connection that draws her to him.
As evening falls, Davide’s own façade slips, revealing a wounded bitterness which contrasts with his easygoing nature. Emily’s imminent departure on an evening train looms ahead, and she finds the strength to make a break with the ghosts of her past. When she opens her heart to her new friend she learns that he feels the same for her. So why is he so determined to make sure she catches her train?
“Connections” is a 12,000 word commercial fiction short story. This story was among the 12 titles selected to represent Harper Collins’ Authonomy.com venture in promotional materials prepared at the end of last year. I believe this story would also work well as the basis of a screenplay.
Although I am originally from Kentucky, I have been living and working as an English Conversation teacher in Reggio nell’Emilia, Italy for the last five years. I am a member of the writing community “Romance Divas” and a member of the critique groups found at Authonomy.com and The Book Shed. I would be pleased to send a complete copy of the story manuscript for your review.
Thank you for your time and consideration. I look forward to hearing from you.
Best Regards,
Kimberly Hudson (Menozzi)
A commercial short story is not something we see very often, given that the form is generally published in literary journals, with the exception of genre anthologies. Good for you that HarperCollins noticed the strength of your writing in this form. At this point there’s not much I can do with a short story. It’s not part of a literary collection, it’s not part of an anthology with other writers, and there’s no sign of a novel in your pitch. I don’t represent screenplays, so I’m not sure there’s much I can offer. Sorry!
Query 2 -
Dear Ms. Peterson:
They’re not the monsters you think they are.
The modern vampire is urbane. Discreet. Intelligent. Refined.
They live among us without fear, without equals. They hold prominent positions in society and rule from the shadows. In the face of all pretenders to the throne, they are truly the master race.
And they intend to keep it that way.
The Dhampir, half human, half vampire, are the only threats to their supremacy—but not for long. The Royals have ordered the extermination of all Breeds and recruited their deadliest warriors to carry out the ‘cleansing’ in a secret battle that rocks the underworld.
However, when Pardo, leader of the Death Squads, meets half-breed Laryn McCade, his resolve is shaken. Not only is he captivated by her beauty, but bewitched by her hybrid blood that’s both intoxicating and addictive.
Laryn is a ‘feeder’ in an elite club that caters to vampires. As a Breed, her blood is prized for its human sweetness and vampiric potency. Becoming serious about Pardo is not an option, despite the feelings she develops for him. He is, after all, the commander she’s been assigned to seduce and kill.
In the dangerous world of “BREED”, money and sex are trinkets, blood is a designer drug, and immortality is a given—unless one makes the mistake of falling for the enemy.
Writing as Raine Weaver, I’ve e-published five books with Loose Id and Samhain Publishing, two of which have gone into print. I’ve also finaled in the Lori Foster Brava Contest, Karin Tabke’s First Line Contest, the RWA Gotcha! Contest, and The Clarity of Night short fiction contest.
“BREED” is a paranormal erotic romance of approximately 76000 words. I’d very much like to submit it for your consideration.
Thanks for you time, and I look forward to hearing from you.
best,
Raine Weaver
Your writing is very atmospheric, and you seem to have found your niche. Every agent I know has seen an over-abundance of vampire pitches over the last few years. Book-buyers, though, are getting more particular given the glut of material on the market, and are sticking largely with the ones that they know and love. I’m sorry to say I suffer from vampire-fatigue at this point, but that should not discourage you. There are a lot of others out there who feel differently.
Query 3 -
From Judy:
I have written a trilogy of middle-grade, novels set in prehistoric times about three young people–two boys and one girl–who are sent out by their clans to learn things about the world in which they live so their knowledge can help ensure the survival of their people. In the first book, Land of Fire and Ice, among other adventures, they rescue a beast with a golden horn from hunters determined to kill it. In these coming-of-age stories, the kids learn to survive on their own as they discover the wonders of their world. A project list for teachers and parents accompanies each book, relating their world to ours. Is this anything you might be interested in?
It’s hard for me to tell exactly what you’ve got given the sketch you’ve provided here. Action-packed story-lines with an exotic backdrop and some potential for educational information and insight into life in prehistoric times might well work, if the writing is tremendous. I can’t tell from this pitch. If you’d like to submit a few chapters, I’ll take a look and let you know what I think.
CONGRATULATIONS JUDY ON THE REQUEST. IF YOU'LL EMAIL ME AT NIKKI@NIKKIDUNCAN.COM I'LL GET YOU LAURA'S CONTACT INFORMATION.
Query 4 -
Dear Ms. Peterson,
No one expects to acquire a stalker, especially horse trainer Rachel Parker. She has no social life and rarely leaves her farm. She doesn’t even date. So when Rachel begins receiving threats, she assumes the culprit is her alcoholic brother-in-law, Jimmy, the only person she can name with a grudge against her. Rachel isn't afraid. She can handle Jimmy, but Police Chief Mike O’Connell isn't so sure Jimmy is the perpetrator.
When his investigation uncovers the violent past Rachel keeps carefully hidden, Mike quickly finds himself in the unusual predicament of having too many suspects—and too many feelings for his temperamental victim. Mike must narrow the list down before the stalker makes good on his threats. He also has to break through the thick shell Rachel has built around herself, for she is much more vulnerable than she is willing to admit.
Where There’s Smoke is a 95,000 word mainstream-leaning romantic suspense that recently won first place in both RWI’s Where The Magic Begins contest and The Missouri Romance Writers' Gateway To The Best contest. It also took third place in the Washington Romance Writers' 2008 Marlene.
I hold a black belt in Kenpo Karate and also train in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu. A former financial analyst and equestrian, I'm a member of RWA, Kiss of Death and Liberty States Fiction Writers.
A partial or full manuscript and synopsis of Where There’s Smoke are available at your request.
I look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely,
Melinda Leigh
www.melindaleighauthor.com
Ok you got me. I love romantic suspense, a former equestrian and I live in farm-country. So call me a sucker, but I’d be happy to take a look at a few chapters.
CONGRATULATIONS MELINDA ON THE REQUEST. IF YOU'LL EMAIL ME AT NIKKI@NIKKIDUNCAN.COM I'LL GET YOU LAURA'S CONTACT INFORMATION.
Queries 5, 6, 7 & 8 -
Dear Ms. Blake:
I usually only query with one novel at a time. However, at the Fun in the Sun Cruise Conference where I was a speaker, three editors asked for partials based on the blurbs I presented which appear below. After reading about you, I believe I'd find your representation very helpful.
TREACHEROUS SHOALS: After crashing on a rainswept road in Galveston Island, Texas, a woman wakes in the hospital, her face swathed in bandages, and her memory blanked out. Rich, charming Dr. Derek Devereau claims she's his new girlfriend, Christina Bradford. As she recuperates in Derek's spooky Victorian mansion, Chris wonders about her mysterious accidents, the weird mortuary worker stalking her and, most important, who she really is. (Romantic Suspense approx. 85,000 words, requested by NAL editor, Kerry Donovan)
This one feels a touch too “day-time television” for me, though your description is solid and concise.
TAKING CHANCES:Tossed aside in favor of her sister, Valerie Trumbull reluctantly teams up with her ex-fiancé's brother, attorney Matt Larson, to hunt her missing sister and save his brother from a murder charge. Their hunt is threatened by Mexican bandits, a border drug lord, and the brother's political rival, who will stop at nothing, including kidnapping Valerie. During their search Matt and Valerie are challenged to trust each other and discover love, but can they stay alive long enough to find her sister? (Romantic Suspense - 85,000 words, requested by Rose Hilliard of St. Martin's Press)
I was with you with these two unlikely characters until we got to the Mexican bandits/drug lords/political enemy aspect of the story, which makes it a no go for me. This one is just a matter of subjectivity. Sorry. I think you describe your work really well, and it sounds like it’s a matter of time obviously until you find strong representation.
PRETEND PRINCESS: During intermission at a performance of Carmen, handsome Prince Lawrence bumps into Tricia Parker in Cordillera, a small country nestled between Spain and France. Awed by her amazing resemblance to his cousin, he asks Tricia to impersonate the missing princess Alicia for a few days. Tricia struggles to be graceful, gracious and interact appropriately with servants and a charming, but arrogant prince. (Romantic suspense / action adventure, 104,000 words, Rhonda Penders at Wild Rose Press, who earlier indicated an interest if I revised it following her suggestions also wanted to see a partial. )
I’ve had my heart broken by too many fabulous historical novels tanking in this market, so I’m afraid I’m not going to pursue this one either.
I wrote the text for There IS Life After Lettuce (Eakin Press) a cookbook for heart patients, diabetics and dieters. I belong to the DFW Writer's Workshop, two local RWA chapters, and the online mystery suspense chapter of RWA. My profile and travel articles have been published in AAA World, Hawaii and Alaska, Romance Writer's Report, the Fort Worth Star Telegram, and The Dallas Morning News.
As I said above, there’s no doubt you are on your way to building a strong foundation for your career, and your writing is fine and professional. At this point for you it’d just a matter of time. Good luck!
Would you like to see a partial of any of the above? Thank you for your consideration. I look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely,
Carolyn Williamson
Query 9 -
Angela Platt
February 18, 2009
Ms. Laura Blake Peterson
Curtis Brown Ltd.
10 Astor Place
New York, New York 10003
Dear Ms. Peterson,
Thank you for taking the time to answer questions on the Hooked On Romance Blog. SEE JANE RUN is a fast-paced romantic suspense set in San Antonio and Texas Hill country.
After an intense relationship, dream jobs sent research chemist Jane Palmer and FBI agent Steve Woods running back to their careers. Of course in Steve’s life, he expected everyone to leave sooner or later and practically pushed Jane out the door. Jane couldn’t fight for a man who made the decision that both of their careers were more important than their love.
Conspiring to keep them apart are a manipulative ex-lover, a breakthrough formula, and two kidnapped children--one being Jane and Steve’s son, Rory. When Jane is framed for the kidnapping of a stranger, she becomes the number one suspect on Steve’s list. Forced on the run to save both children, Jane seeks Steve’s help while he gives chase.
Steve leaves his discipline and career behind to help Jane. They reignite their love and begin to trust each other while searching for the kidnappers. All trust is lost when Steve discovers that he is Rory’s father. They work together to save their son, realizing life is better with the one you love--no matter how far you have to run to protect each other.
I am a past RWA® Golden Heart romantic suspense finalist and have completed several contemporary award-winning manuscripts. I have a short story published in Love, Texas Style under my writing name, Angi Morgan. The completed 76,000 word manuscript of SEE JANE RUN is available upon request.
Thank you so much for your time,
Angi Platt
I think it’s obvious you hate writing queries. I would, too. It’s so hard to boil characters you’ve loved and lived with for so long into a few paragraphs. I just think you can do better to infuse some energy into the writing of this story. Start from an unexpected place, shake it up – do something.
Query 10 -
Dear Mr. Peterson
Brenna Quentin, an agoraphobic fifth-generation witch without her powers, knows she must fight a wizard on her approaching birthday or surrender her powers and life to his evil control. To succeed she needs the help of a champion she’s never met. Caleb Dauntay, a former Marine fighting to overcome an unexplainable on-again-off-again paralysis, a result of a near fatal accident a year earlier, agrees to honor his dying brother’s last wish: help Brenna. As they work together to overcome her phobia, find the cure to his handicap, and learn to control her magical powers they realize there’s more to Caleb than either of them thought. He’s magical, and only together, with the right balance of power can they hope to defeat Yorn, ending a century old curse, and keeping the worlds both magical and human safe from his tyranny.
My 91,000 word paranormal romantic suspense Magic and The Marine takes Caleb and Brenna from the city of San Francisco to a hidden cabin in the wooded hills where they discover the answers to their entwined and separate pasts. Magic and The Marine, the full manuscript, has been requested by Leah Hultenschmidt with Dorchester.
I am an active member in my local RWA chapter, serve on the RWA PRO Communications and PRO-Ed Committees, contribute regularly to the quarterly RWA PROspects Newsletter, and have written several articles that have been published in close to 100 RWA Chapter Newsletters. I recently finaled in the 2008 Golden Pen contest and am currently plotting my next paranormal romance The Empath and The Marine.
You’ve worked really hard to collect all the pieces of the plot, and that’s a good exercise. What I think you need to focus on in your query is making me care about the characters so I want to read about them. Anyone can come up with a good plot. Heck, I have about 7 ideas in my head all the time. What makes you the writer and me the agent is that you have an ability to create character, make me laugh, cry, and care. This letter doesn’t really accomplish that, for me.
A Question and Queries 11 & 12 -
Ms. Peterson,
I was also wondering about your opinion on novels that might not fit in an already established genre. Does that affect your decision at all, especially in these hard times, or is it the opposite in revealing something new?
It’s very tough to introduce a new writer with material that doesn’t have a shelf it can fit on in the bookstore. An established writer can take risks that his or her readership will follow wherever they go, but I would not recommend it for a new writer. Of course, there are probably eight people you know that will contradict me, but that’s my experience.
The following are blurbs from my novels, in hopes one of them might be something you would be interested in. :)
In MISTRESS IN LOVE Lady Allison Bramley can’t seem to figure out love. The debilitating past with her late husband forced her into the life as a mistress, where she believes she has found true love in the arms of her paramour - the illustrious Duke of Kingsley. Until she hires Ramsey McGowan, the handsome, albeit mysterious, Scot she met through her late husband. He's the only person she'll trust to conduct a very private, and very personal, investigation. But in the midst of startling attempts on their lives, it just might be Ramsey MacGowan that provokes in her the growth needed to discover the love she has always chased. Can they ignore the chains of their respective pasts and learn to love before danger catches up to them?
This sounds very cute premise, with a lot of potential for good fun. I’m just not taking on any new historical writers just now as I’ve had some very talented authors and editors lose their shirts on great books that didn’t sell.
HOT SHOTS is the ongoing story centering on Jordyn Bailey Jameson, a soon to be agent for a covert branch of the CIA & FBI. When the opportunity from her newly discovered, albeit newly deceased, dad brings a new career opportunity to her life – she doesn’t hesitate.
Not even when she finds out the requisites include a Top Secret clearance, familiarity with firearms... and a mysterious partner hand picked by Daddy with his own agenda. But when the men in her life, both alive and dead - past and present, are intent to hold her back what’s a Secret Agent in training supposed to do?
I like your style of query, it’s fresh and energetic. I’m afraid though I’m not as taken by this story. I’m sure it will appeal to another agent.
Thank you for your time Ms. Peterson.
Query 13 -
Dear Ms. Peterson,
Thank you for taking time from your busy schedule to take a look at queries via the blog Hooked on Romance.
My sixty-thousand word young adult novel, RIGHT BEHIND YOU, is aimed at tween readers. Claiming schedule conflicts, Jessie Reynolds quits soccer when she makes the seventh grade volleyball team. The real problem? Her dad is her soccer coach--he's overbearing--and totally devastated when she spills the news. He makes her feel really guilty by telling her she's breaking his heart. The next day, when he has a heart attack and dies, Jessie blames herself. (He had undiagnosed heart disease.) Her mom develops a drinking problem, and Dad begins appearing wherever Jessie goes. Her best friends scatter, and soon the only person talking to her, besides Dad, is Matt "The Obergeek," her lab partner and the ultimate outcast. As Jessie and Matt form a friendship, they make a bad decision, and, of course, Dad is there watching, trying to advise.
An member of RWA chapters (former first VP NWHouston) and the teen lit yahoo loop, I've taught second through eighth grade and coached twelve seasons of girls' soccer. The mother of four, I've had personal experience with tweens, and I've dealt with children of alcoholic parents, which offers my novel credibility.
Upon your request, I would love to send you pages of RIGHT BEHIND YOU. Thank you for your consideration. I look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely,
Nancy Kay Bowden
This story has a lot of raw appeal. I’m a little put off by the midair collision of the seriousness of the topics with the popping up of Dad here and there to offer commentary and advice to his young daughter. It’s most often used as a comic device, especially in fiction for this age. I think you letter needs to be more clear about the tone of the book you are describing.
Query 14 -
Laura Blake Peterson
Curtis Brown, Ltd.
Ten Astor Place
New York, NY 1003
Dear Ms. Blake Peterson:
Her job: create defenses. His job: crack them. What could possibly go wrong?
Nanotechnologist Dr. Audra McCain attributes her success to her ability to distance herself from messy emotional entanglements that threaten her focus. But when she is framed for the theft of her dynamic armor prototype, she finds herself on the run with a man whose talent lies in hacking through the toughest of defenses.
Ever since a shattered knee ended his career in the Special Forces, Cameron Scott has felt like an intruder in his own life. Hiding his discontent behind a need-to-win mentality, he earns his living testing security systems by breaking them. When Nanodyne hires him to evaluate their system, Cam discovers someone has already breached the company at the highest level. Now he's on a mission to find out who.
As Audra and Cam play cat and mouse with a ruthless thief out to use Audra's prototype for his own agenda, the two form a tentative friendship. But Cam wants more, and he's willing to do whatever it takes to break through Audra's impenetrable emotional firewall and teach her that he's the one person she can count on.
INTRUSION is a 90,000-word romantic suspense that delves into the cutting edge science of nanotechnology. It was also a recent finalist in the 2008 PASIC Book of Your Heart contest.
I would be pleased to send a partial or the completed manuscript upon request. Thank you for your consideration, and I look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely,
Cynthia Justlin
I’d like to see you put a little more flesh on these characters in this letter. It’s pretty stock characters, and you’ve not made them all that distinctive. I know, I really do know this is hard work. But it’s a testament to your ability to gather up all you know of these two characters and boil it down in a way that doesn’t seem bland or uninteresting. You have to give me a sense of your passion for these characters and this novel. If the query seems dry and you don’t care about them, why should I?
Query 15 -
Dear Ms. Peterson:
As an agent interested in YA novels, you may be interested in my YA fantasy, Mistress of the Wind.
Hags are old, ugly and - powerful. When the most powerful hag of them all is murdered, with her dying breath she passes her mantel on, to someone who is the white to her black. But Astrid doesn't know what she has inside her. She grows up, forgetting the strange circumstances of how she came to understand the wind, feel a bond to it. But she will soon be forced to remember. Because change has come in the form of a white bear, who dazzles her family with enough gold to make it impossible for Astrid to say no to leaving with him.
Bjorn, the Mountain Prince, is more than an enchanted bear. He's trying to hold back a vicious change in the balance of power, to protect the realm he's been responsible for since his father's death. And he knows Astrid is the key. But in taking his prize, he's placed her in incredible danger, and soon he realizes that she is not just important to him, she's as vital as the air he breathes.
As Astrid gradually discovers more about herself and the lover who comes to her at night in darkness as a man, and during the day as her fierce bear guardian, she learns her connection to the wind is stronger than she could have imagined. And when Bjorn is stolen from her, she is forced to confront every aspect of her new self to find him and bring him back.
Loosely based on the Scandinavian fairy tale East of the Sun, West of the Moon, with some Inuit folklore stirred into the mix, Mistress of the Wind is complete at 90,000 words.
I currently live on the west coast of
Thank you for your time in considering this query.
Yours faithfully
Michelle Diener
This letter is a solid description of your novel, but this genre is really not my specialty. There are some agents out there who specialize in this area, but it’s not me, so I am not in a position to judge. Sorry!
Dear Ms. Peterson,
Abby Winslow almost has it all; beautiful kids, the two-story in suburbia, a growing bank account and at the young age of thirty-four, the body of a college cheerleader. But when a strung out mess of a woman comes knocking on Abby’s door, she soon discovers the one thing she doesn’t have. A faithful husband. Suddenly, the numbing rut of a life this housewife’s been living is thrown into a tailspin, as truths become lies and trust is harder to find than a good babysitter.
Drew Winslow denies all and pleads his innocence. But Drew’s a power-playing, hot shot lawyer who makes his living off flashy smiles and quick answers. Who’s a woman to believe?
To find the truth, Abby must use more than her Yard of the Month gardening skills to dig into the past and uncover things best left forgotten. With the help of her estranged sister, headstrong best friend, and a fast talking psychic, can a soccer mom outwit the man she loves, but no longer feels she knows? And at the risk of losing the picture perfect family, comfortable lifestyle, and amazing sex, should she even try?
Sleeping in the Wet Spot is a sexy, 80,000 word women’s fiction story about catty women, lying men and the people who live among them. Set on a quiet street where apple pie is served up with a big ‘ole scoop of deceit, it is a tale of cat and mouse dinner conversation, suspicious glances, and lots of hot sex. A place where you discover things are never what they seem and the most amazing transformations come from the most unlikely of circumstances.
Tracy Ward
There’s a lot here that might work: a sexy, smart female caught up in the world’s oldest melodrama – is my husband faithful? -- but for me it feels way too familiar. The audience for this book can watch Desperate Housewives for free and get the same guilty pleasure out of the experience without having to spend $15-20. It may be a sound story and a fun read, but it also has to be something readers can’t live without. I’m not convinced that’s the case here. Plus you have to change the title. It’s too raunchy. No editor I work with would tell you any different.
Query 17 -
Dear Ms. Peterson
In the spirit of books written by such writers as Julie Garwood and Sandra Brown, Boy Toy is an 94,500-word romantic thriller set in
Her world falls apart when her main client, developer Jonathan Harrell dies in an apparent suicide. New evidence surfaces that it wasn’t a suicide but murder. This is soon followed up by the murder of Jonathan’s partner. These murders inside a condo complex hosting her largest number of listings, as well as the real estate meltdown, makes her sales all but disappear, forcing her into a deep financial turmoil.
In her darkest hour she has to depend on a guy she wanted to make into a toy—one that she hopes that she has not lost forever due to her rude behavior. Relying on love rather than her money is a hard lesson to learn, but one that she has to before it’s too late and he leaves forever.
With national attention on the housing crisis and my years of experience in real estate sales as a Certified Residential Specialist and Certified International Property Specialist this book will target a wide audience with solid expertise in the workings of the real estate market. There are over one million Realtors in
I am a full-time award winning writer with a passion and a thirst for life and adventure I love to share with my readers. Please find a synopsis and opening chapters attached. I’ll be happy to send you the entire manuscript should you wish to see it, and very much look forward to hearing from you. My previous novel, The Salsa Connection, recently won the Florida Writers Association’s Royal Palm literary Award for best thriller in 2008.
Thank you for your time and sincere consideration.
Sincerely,
Sir John
This storyline, while cute, has been done so many times before – even if it’s flawlessly done it will be an uphill climb to get the attention of an editor. I would also remove the reference to the housing crisis and this novel’s potential market of realtors. It’s just not how books are marketed and sold. John Grisham was not a best seller because millions of lawyers bought his book; it was because he wrote great novels. I don’t see it standing apart, though, from what else is currently out there.
Query 18 -
Dear Ms. Peterson,
Rebecca (Becca) Dorsey is all about the money, and it looks like this might be her biggest take yet. Who cares if her psychic mother has warned her once again about the negative energy she's sending out as a con artist?
A turn of the century house, its hidden treasure and a confused but deliciously hot renovator are ripe for the picking. Everything can be hers if she plays the con right. Maybe, just maybe, she'll have enough to get out of the game forever. The trick is simple. Pretend to be an old ladies’ long lost granddaughter, convince the woman to let her restore the house, use the hot local renovator to find the treasure, grab it and run. She wouldn’t even have to resort to fraud – house stealing – or go back to pretending she was as psychic as the rest of her family. It would be her first real con, and her last hopefully. Heck if you look at it right, the place should belong to her family anyway.
Too bad the house is haunted.
Becca’s psychic abilities begin to emerge as she spends time in the house looking for the treasure. The ghosts are scary enough, but when they begin to drag her into their conflicts, it becomes terrifying. Add in a strange lawyer who is after far more than hidden money, and a mark that comes to mean more to her than the con, and Becca is in a lot of trouble.
Kevin Brooks gets more than he bargained for when he deals with Becca. Kevin's well aware Becca's not what she seems, but he's dreamed all his life of owning the last house his great-grandfather designed. He'll do what he has to in order to get it. And if it means working with one sexy little psychic wanabe, well, that might just be an added benefit.
But between soul sucking demons and abusive spirits Kevin discovers that Becca's mother was right - sex, lies and pissed off ghosts just don't mix. Kevin and Becca must work together to save it all, even their very souls.
Thank you for your time,
Regards,
Nancy Cassidy
Writing as Lilly Cain
www.lillycain.com
I like this letter, though it’s not entirely clear from your letter which way this story is going. Quirky romances with cons, spirits and psychic impersonators (and the like) have a tendency to be campy and fun and light. I don’t think that’s what you’re writing, but this letter isn’t definitive enough a description of dark romantic suspense. Hope that helps.
Query 19 -
Dear Ms. Peterson,
Best-selling author and a practicing witch Deirdre Connelly’s life is suddenly turned upside down when she finds herself with a powerful magical talisman inside her, a deranged billionaire after her, and a gorgeous actor she’d love to have on top of her.
Stewart Tyler makes Deirdre an irresistible offer: in exchange for working a simple bit of magic, she gets dinner with Robert Daniel Addison, the TV actor who’s starred in her daydreams for years. It seems like a harmless request, but the treasure her magic reveals, the otherworldly Star Stone, ends up permanently inside her instead of in the hands of the man who feels entitled to it.
Now she and Rob are unwilling guests at
Witch Ever Way You Can is a completed 80,000 word paranormal romance. Like Candace Havens’ Charmed series or Julie Kenner’s demon hunting soccer mom, this book takes a strong, appealing and intriguing woman and throws her into a mix of adventure, romance and just enough magic to keep things interesting.
Witch Ever Way You Can recently won the 2009 Emily contest and the full mss has been requested by contest judge Patience Smith of Silhouette. My award-winning short story, “Dead (and Mostly) Gone,” is included in The Pagan Anthology of Short Fiction: 13 Prize Winning Tales (Llewellyn 2008). I have also published two non-fiction books; Circle, Coven & Grove: A Year of Magickal Practice (Llewellyn 2007) and Everyday Witch A to Z (Llewellyn 2008), my third will be out in May 2009 and I am in the process of contracting for a fourth. I was the featured author in Laurell K. Hamilton’s October newsletter. As an established writer, I have a website, blog, do author appearances and am a RWA member.
Thank you for your time.
Sincerely,
Deborah Blake
www.deborahblakehps.com
Your letter is certainly commendable and your credentials are quite likely to land you representation. I’m just not taken sufficiently by the story. There’s nothing I would say to improve it – there’s nothing flawed about it. Just not my cup of tea. I’m so sorry. Someone else will pounce on you for their list, I’m sure!
Dear Ms. Peterson,
Mallory Donovan’s “life is good” world is thrust into the unknown of the mystical when she travels to Ireland to settle her deceased grandmother’s estate and learns she’s inherited the haunted Grayson castle. Unaware of the blood spell placed on her family centuries ago, she encounters freezing mists, out of body experiences complete with an evil narrator, and messages warning her to leave or die. Add to that, her dead grandmother is carrying on conversations with her from a video and she’s sure her next home will be an eight by ten padded room. Issues of trust are put to the test, as Mallory must decide to stay, risking her life to claim what’s hers, or leave the place to the evil inhabitant dooming the castle and its past to the blood spell forever.
Trevor Riley, International Realtor, seals deals, big deals, not caring who he hurts along the way. His motto: wine them, dine, gain their trust, but never become emotionally involved. And he thinks he’s just the man to schmooze the new owner, Mallory Donovan, into selling the estate. That is until she uncovers his motivation for lavishing so much attention on her. Now he’s caught between protecting a woman he hardly knows from the very place he wants to buy, leaving her on her own, making the deal of the century and losing the one love, he never knew he wanted.
After Thoughts and Before is a completed 90,000 word paranormal romance, which I believe will target both romance readers and paranormal readers alike.
I am currently writing my next stand-alone novel, a sequel to After Thoughts and Before, in which the characters multi-cross from this manuscript.
I’m the Vice President of Tampa Area Romance Writers and a PRO member of RWA. In my day job of twenty-four / seven television, I write copy edits, and screen crawls, as well as other task for the .com side of the business.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Best regards,
http://vickilane.blogspot.com
I think this letter starts out quite strong in the first 2 paragraphs with your plot description but loses energy immediately. The rest of the letter should be combined into one final paragraph (and take out “stand alone” and “multi-cross”). There’s a lot here that feels like I’ve read this story before but your writing is concise, clear and well-crafted. Good job!
Query 21 -
Dear Ms. Peterson,
A winner in The Heart of the
We’re brought up to believe that blood is thicker than water, but what do you do when a relative is out for your blood and will stop at nothing until you’re dead? Literally.
Assistant District Attorney, Madison Montgomery, pledges to unveil the corruption in the
All he has left is his freedom and integrity. Tried for a murder he didn't commit, Joshua Baldwin has lost everything else – his job, his reputation, life as he knows it. He struggled through life's misfortunes to find his destiny. His entire adult existence is about being a good cop. It's all he knows. He'll do whatever it takes to find the real killer and prove his innocence to recover what was stolen from him.
When
I’m an active member in Romance Writers of America and Tampa Area Romance Authors. Non-fiction publishing credits include a “Career Resource Guide” and a “Resumes for Success” manual.
Thank you for your valuable time and consideration.
Sincerely,
Anne-Marie Carroll
This is a good description of what seems like an intricate plot – very tough to do with any depth. Your letter is comprehensive and professional, and the type I’d respond to favorably if I were more inclined toward police procedurals. A very effective job.
Question: Thanks for this great opportunity. I write paranormal romance but I also write YA. I’m wondering from an agent’s perspective if you view a writer who writes both adult romance and YA fiction as a marketable writer. Thanks again.
Hi Renee: I think it’s important to stick with one genre at the early stages of your career, since it’s about building readership and a relationship with an audience so it’s not entirely helpful to have an author step out into other genres right from the start. Later on, well that’s up to you. Otherwise it tends to call into question your commitment and focus.
From Renee:
Here is my adult paranormal romance pitch:
Immortally cursed and exiled to Earth realm, Cael’s wish – death. Dying never looked so sweet until the once proud Fey found the lush lips of a
And, here is my YA pitch:
Degrassi High set in Smallville except the only person saving this small town is Gemini – a lost Siren princess – a Goth-teenager who wants to pass her first Algebra test and ends up forced into the sea to kick some serious sea witch’s tail, who wants to claim all the oceans for herself. Sea gods and dragons no longer just occupy Gemini’s time in her English literature class…they are her new reality. Siren’s Lure: First Test is a paranormal young adult book and the first book in my new young adult series and it will be 90,000 words in length. Synopsis and first three chapters available upon request.
It’s a little long at 90,000 words, but I really like how you combine Gemini’s very real teen-age issues (like passing Algebra etc. and defeating a force of evil simultaneously). The mid-air collision of those two worlds is what made Twilight series so effective (among other things) so feel free to send that along to me.
Renee Field
From Rhonda:
Dangerous Moves is set in southern
Running the family campground was the last thing Brock Chandler wanted. But now that he’s running the show he has big plans. With a top-notch golf course, coastal frontage, thriving restaurants, and hunting and fishing packages adding extreme sporting options is the key. Selling the idea to his grandfather seems simple. Until Granddad, majority stockholder, says he’s got a corporate buyer for Chandler Bayou and is ready to sell out. If the sale goes through Brock stands to lose close to a half of a million dollars he's already invested in renovations and updates.
Delaney Breaux is giving up the rat race in
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Dangerous Moves has been a title of numerous projects and a least one movie. If it were a project I was representing, that would be the first necessary change, and I suspect other agents and editors would agree as well. I’m not as taken by the story here – your description is a little flat (though I know it’s hard to write these, I really do) and it feels like I’ve read this novel many times before.
QUERY 24 -
Dear Ms. Peterson,
Desperate to get a story, freelance journalist Aspen Dove dresses like a hooker and steals a bag of stolen money from a mobster. Escaping before she ends up in his bed, she hides in a hearse, driven by a rookie cop, and is taken into custody for being in possession of stolen goods.
At the police station, she calls her boss, a man who makes snakes look un-slimy. He wants more—a story on Justiceman, a vigilante killer who shoots convicts as they’re being released from prison after serving their time. He offers her a front-page exclusive, which is her dream.
She dives into the investigation and straight into the arms of a hunky FBI agent who tries to keep her alive as the list of people wanting to kill her grows by the hour: The mob, a gang of vigilante bikers she accidentally crosses, a less-than-brilliant serial killer, hit men with temporary children's tattoos on their faces, and Justiceman himself. Her dream of a front-page exclusive turns into a cat and mouse nightmare, and she resolves to come out of it as the cat and not the mouse.
‘Justiceman’ is a 96,000 word lighthearted mystery, set in
I'm a member of the Romance Writers of America and have written many articles for various newsletters and online sites.
Thank you for your time. The full is available upon request.
Sincerely,
Sue McKlveen
There’s a lot of energy in the writing here, which I like. The story sounds like a fun read though I’m concerned it’s a little out of control with its mobsters/bikers/the FBI/a serial killer premise. This is a strong letter nonetheless.
Dear Ms. Peterson,
U.N. interpreter and curmudgeon Harley Black has a few vices to help her deal with stubborn and obnoxious people. She likes to drink and smoke and no one had better cross her when she’s PMSing. Everyone in the office knows that…except for unsuspecting Department of Homeland Security Agent, Jim Bond (no relation to James Bond and don’t ever mention the movies to him or he’ll pull a gun).
After putting Jim on the ground with her heel in his back for touching her arm, he apologizes to Harley, then explains that her name’s been in the center of the underground terrorist chatter. He's been sent to protect her and find out why she’s been targeted while playing her boyfriend. It isn't until a fellow employee's body is dumped at their feet that she starts to trust her life to Agent Bond.
The Russian and Chinese diplomats want her to interpret between them, to test her loyalties, making Harley realize she’s in over her head when they start talking about killing people and bombing the
‘Deadly Interpretations’ is a 95,750 word mystery/adventure, set in
I'm a member of the Romance Writers of America and have written many articles for various newsletters and online sites.
Thank you for your time. The full is available upon request.
Sincerely,
Sue McKlveen
The story and characters here feel too much like caricatures to me. I’m having trouble finding someone here that I connect with. It’s ambitious and brash, but a little too over the top for me. Sorry!
Here I go. Jumping into the deep end of the pool.
Rachel has flaws. She's bossy, has a prickly temper, and hates to shop, even for groceries. Oh, and thanks to an aggressive rodeo cowboy she met at seventeen, she's not keen on dating. She's only twenty-seven, but her mother fears Rachel will end up an old maid.
Mac's not perfect either. He gambles, has an Audrey Hepburn fetish, and after the dissolution of his twelve-year, not-so-perfect marriage, is under the delusion that "Wanna get naked?" is the ultimate come-on.
Only on his worst day would Cupid shoot arrows at these two.
But desperation creates odd alliances.
In spite of the carnage that will undoubtedly follow, Rachel agrees to teach Mac to date if he'll pose as her beau for her brother's wedding.
The resulting fallout surprises even them when he discovers that the kisses he wants can only be found on her lips and she decides that getting naked with him might not be so terrible.
Set in
Thank you for your consideration. The full is available upon request.
Sincerely,
Jo Vandewall
This is pretty well-written and a cute premise. I felt from the start I knew these characters, but they are not too familiar and just quirky enough to make me smile as you describe them. The cowboy angle makes me think this is intended as a category romance (due to the over-abundance of cowboy books in category romance) but the length would indicate otherwise. Good job.
Come back to visit. We have a new guest blogger each week and are working on lining up an agent or editor for once a month.
Naughty Nikki
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